How to Not Enable an Addict-Adelante Recovery

Addiction is a complex disease that affects individuals and their families deeply. While the desire to help a loved one struggling with addiction is strong, it’s crucial to understand the difference between truly helping and inadvertently enabling their behavior. To enable a behavior means to help, either directly or indirectly, someone else continue a behavior. For someone facing addiction, this can be quite serious, as enabling behavior may help the condition to persist.

In this article, we explain what enabling looks like and its consequences, and share tips for how not to enable an addict. You can find help for drug and alcohol addiction in Orange County, CA, with Adelante Recovery.

Helping vs. Enabling

When a loved one is suffering, it’s normal to want to lend a helping hand. The line between helping and enabling can be blurry, but it’s essential to distinguish between the two.

What is “Helping” an Addict?

Helping focuses on the long-term well-being of the individual. It involves providing support, encouragement, and guidance towards recovery. This might include:

Offering emotional support and a listening ear
Connecting them with resources like therapists, support groups (like Alcoholics Anonymous or Narcotics Anonymous), and rehabilitation centers
Setting healthy boundaries and consequences for their actions
Practicing self-care to avoid burnout

What is “Enabling” an Addict?

While seemingly helpful in the short term, enabling often prolongs the addiction and prevents the individual from experiencing the natural consequences of their actions. This can include:

Making excuses for their behavior
Covering up their substance use or the consequences of their actions
Providing financial support that directly or indirectly funds their addiction
Rescuing them from the negative consequences of their choices
Ignoring or minimizing the severity of their addiction

Essentially, helping focuses on what’s truly good for the individual in the long run, even if it means facing difficult situations. Enabling, on the other hand, prioritizes short-term convenience and avoids confronting the reality of the addiction.

What Does Enabling Looks Like?

Recognizing enabling behavior is crucial for those supporting a loved one with addiction. Here are some common signs:

Covering up the behavior/use: This could involve making excuses for their absence, hiding evidence of substance use, or downplaying the severity of their problems.
Keeping the person from feeling the consequences of their actions: This might include paying their bills, bailing them out of jail, or cleaning up the messes they create due to their addiction.
Not rocking the boat: Often in family units or other social circles, people may avoid conflict as to “not rock the boat.” This tenancy to avoid confrontation or express concerns about their addiction to maintain peace within the family ultimately allows loved ones to continue harmful behavior.
Making excuses for their behavior: Attributing their problems to stress, work, or other external factors instead of acknowledging the role of addiction limits accountability.
Providing financial support that enables their addiction: This could include giving them money directly, co-signing loans, or bailing them out of financial trouble caused by their addiction.

Consequences of Not Enabling

While it may seem harsh, not enabling an addict can have positive long-term consequences:

Motivating them towards recovery: Facing the natural consequences of their actions can be a powerful motivator for seeking help.
Protecting their health and well-being: Enabling can often shield addicts from the full extent of the harm caused by their addiction, hindering their ability to recognize the severity of their problem.
Improving relationships: Enabling can strain relationships with family and friends. By setting healthy boundaries and consequences, you can improve communication and rebuild trust.
Reducing stress and burnout: Enabling can be emotionally and physically draining for those involved. By focusing on self-care and establishing healthy boundaries, you can reduce stress and avoid burnout.

It’s important to remember that if they relapse, it’s not your fault. Relapse is a common part of the recovery process. It’s crucial to remember that a relapse does not negate the progress made or diminish the individual’s potential for recovery.

Getting Support for Yourself

Supporting a loved one with addiction can be emotionally challenging—especially when you step away from enabling behavior. It’s essential to prioritize your own well-being by:

Seeking support from others: Join a support group for family and friends of people with addiction (like Al-Anon or Nar-Anon).
Practicing self-care: Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation, such as exercise, spending time in nature, or pursuing hobbies.
Setting boundaries: Establish clear boundaries with the individual to protect your own emotional and physical health.
Seeking professional help: Consider therapy or counseling to address the emotional impact of supporting a loved one with addiction.

How To Not Enable an Addict

Supporting a loved one struggling with addiction can be incredibly challenging. It’s easy to fall into enabling behaviors with the best intentions. However, it’s crucial to remember that true help often involves setting boundaries and allowing the individual to experience the natural consequences of their actions. Here are some practical tips on how to support a loved one without enabling them:

1. Focus on their long-term well-being

Prioritize their overall health and happiness over short-term convenience. This means focusing on their long-term recovery and well-being, even if it means facing difficult situations in the present. For example, instead of covering up their substance use to avoid confrontation, encourage them to seek professional help and support. This may involve difficult conversations and potential setbacks, but it’s ultimately in their best interest.

2. Set clear boundaries and consequences

Establish clear expectations and consequences for their behavior. These boundaries should be communicated clearly and consistently. For instance, if you’ve agreed that substance use is not allowed in your home, stick to that boundary. If they violate this agreement, there should be natural consequences, such as temporarily limiting contact or restricting access to certain privileges.

3. Avoid making excuses for their behavior

Acknowledge the impact of their addiction on their life and the lives of others. Avoid making excuses for their behavior or downplaying the severity of their problems. For example, instead of saying “He’s just stressed,” acknowledge that their substance use is contributing to their problems. Open and honest communication, even if it’s difficult, is crucial for breaking the cycle of enabling.

4. Encourage them to seek professional help

Support their efforts to seek professional help, such as therapy, counseling, or attending support groups like Alcoholics Anonymous or Narcotics Anonymous. Offer to help them find resources and connect with qualified professionals. Encourage them to take responsibility for their recovery and actively participate in their treatment plan.

5. Avoid rescuing them from the consequences of their actions

Resist the urge to “rescue” them from the negative consequences of their choices. This might include bailing them out of jail, covering their debts, or cleaning up the messes they create due to their addiction. Allowing them to experience the natural consequences of their actions can be a powerful motivator for seeking help and making positive changes.

6. Practice self-care

Supporting a loved one with addiction can be emotionally and physically draining. It’s crucial to prioritize your own well-being. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation, such as exercise, spending time in nature, or pursuing hobbies. Seek support from friends, family, or a therapist to address the emotional impact of supporting someone with addiction.

7. Be patient and understanding

Recovery is a journey, and there will be setbacks along the way. Be patient and understanding with your loved one, but also be firm in your boundaries and expectations. Let your loved one know that you are there for them, but also be clear about your expectations and boundaries. Offer consistent support and encouragement throughout their recovery journey.

Remember, supporting a loved one with addiction requires patience, compassion, and a commitment to their long-term well-being. By focusing on their long-term health and setting clear boundaries, you can offer them the support they need while avoiding enabling behaviors.

Recover From Addiction at Adelante Recovery

If you’re concerned about a loved one struggling with addiction, Adelante Recovery can provide the support and guidance they need to begin their journey toward recovery. Adelante Recovery offers a range of evidence-based treatment programs designed to address the underlying causes of addiction and equip individuals with the tools and skills necessary for long-term sobriety.

Why Choose Adelante?

Comprehensive Treatment Programs: Adelante Recovery offers a variety of treatment options, including medically supervised detoxification, residential treatment, outpatient programs, and aftercare services.
Experienced and Compassionate Staff: Our team of experienced clinicians, therapists, and counselors are dedicated to providing compassionate and individualized care to each client.
Evidence-Based Treatment: We utilize evidence-based treatment modalities, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), and 12-step programs, to address the underlying issues contributing to addiction.
Focus on Holistic Healing: We believe in a holistic approach to recovery, addressing the physical, emotional, and spiritual needs of each individual.
Comfortable and Supportive Environment: Our comfortable and supportive environment provides a safe and nurturing space for individuals to begin their recovery journey.

Encouraging a loved one to seek help for their addiction can save their life. Contact Adelante Recovery today to get the support you need to help your loved one start their path to recovery.